the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
