at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
