Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
