if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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