margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
