I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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