I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want to make a zoo with you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
