ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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