his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
