so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what day is it and did you see me today?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
