just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
