The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Panties = found
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
