Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
