Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
