don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
