Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
