Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got inside last night via doggy door
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
