Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
