he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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