I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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