Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
