I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
