Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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