Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
