I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
