Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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