I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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