Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
