i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
