He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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