Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
