My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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