I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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