come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
