I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
