"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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