I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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