so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
