I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
