Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
