I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
