i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
