he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
