I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
