I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
