Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
