someone get that fucking seahorse.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
