Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
