Can Purell be used as lube?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
