My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
