someone threw a dead crab at me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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