capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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