My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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