Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
