my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's never too late to be topless.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
