and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
