I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
