Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Are we still banned from the library?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
