You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
