Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
