Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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