I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
