I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
